Thinking Of You
by battered shipper heart
Summary: Skye didn't want him to leave, but she knew he had to. And she was determined to not to fall apart, but then the unthinkable happened. Gift for my SkyewardSecretSanta.


**_Hello! This is for my Skyeward Secret Santa steggy4ever . Hope you like it!_**

 ** _Sadly, I don't own anything Marvel related._**

 ** _Just a few notes on this, it's a 1940′s, WWII au. SHIELD exists already, Peggy, Howard, and Colonel Phillips started it at the beginning of the war. Sorry it got kinda sad... Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!_**

Skye watched as he folded his clothes and packed them in the duffle bag next to her on the bed. Her stomach churned horribly and she twisted the new ring on her finger, biting her lower lip as he stopped and set a photo of them on the top before zipping it shut. Skye bunched her skirt in her right hand. He closed the dresser drawer before letting out a breath.

His eyes stayed on the bag before he looked at her anxious face. He was dressed in a pressed uniform, his hair combed away from his face, and he looked so much older yet younger as his eyes met hers. He forced a small smile on his lips, trying to seem reassuring. Moving to kneel on the bed, he lifted a hand and brushed a lock of hair from his eyes before rubbing her cheek gently. Skye closed her eyes and leaned into him, taking in a deep breath of the smell that was completely Grant.

"I'll be back soon," he said, his other hand moving to play with the long skirt.

"It won't be soon enough," Skye said, moving to sit next to her and lean against the wall, "but no one asks for war." Skye rested her head against his shoulder. One of his arms wrapped around her shoulders and his fingers twisted gently in her hair. She soaked in his presence as much as possible, willing herself not to cry. He kissed the top of her head gently. "I'll be fine."

"You better be," Skye said before allowing the rooms to lapse into silence.

A knock at the door made Skye turn her head, her face paling. Grant stood up and offered her his hand, which she took and held tightly like a lifeline.

"Come in," Grant called. The door opened and the man nodded. He was dressed in his usual dark suit, his dark hair cut short. Grant nodded back and Skye's grip tightened as his moved to get his bag.

"The car will be here in ten minutes," he said. Grant nodded again an the man turned to leave, the couple following two steps behind him. The hallways seemed dark and daunting to Skye, filled with grief that hadn't happened. When they got to the main room Grant set his bag down, and Skye let go of his hand, allowing him to move to say goodbye to everyone.

The older man who had gotten them moved to stand next to Skye and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"He'll be okay, right Dad?" she asked, her voice small. Her eyes were locked on Grant as he hugged Izzy Hunter, bending down to the small child's height, allowing her to give him a messy kiss on the cheek. He stood up and gave Bobbi a hug as well, whispering something in the blonde's ear. She nodded in return and squeezed his arm before he moved towards the pair sitting at the table. Skye turned her head to look at her father, eyes wide and pleading. "Dad?"

"Honey." Skye turned as she felt a hand wrap around her upper arm. She tried to smile at the older woman whose face hers reflected in so many ways. "He's strong and tough." It wasn't the answer Skye wanted, but her mother was not one to sugar coat things, even for her own daughter. "Phil, be comforting," she told her husband quietly. Skye heard her but chose to ignore it, instead she sank farther into her father's side and watched as Grant gave Leo and Jemma hugs before moving to Mack.

They'd said goodbye to Lance three months ago, and though letters from him were few and far between, he seemed to be stuck in offices at the moment more than the trenches.

"I'll go next," Phil said. "Melinda—"

The women rolled her eyes at her husband and motioned for him to move, taking his spot in having an arm around their daughter.

"I'm so scared Mom," Skye whispered. "There doesn't seem to be an end in sight. From Peggy's last letter it looked as if—"

"Skye, look at me," Melinda commanded softly. Skye looked up at her mother, her eyes stinging with tears she refused to let fall. Melinda smoothed Skye's hair back. "That boy—that man—is strong." Melinda kissed her head. "Everything happens for a reason honey. We just have to remember that."

Skye snorted. "You don't believe in God," Skye said quietly, but she rested her head against her mother's shoulder.

"I don't," Melinda said, "but I think there's a plan for everyone."

Phil came back over and Melinda let go of Skye, moving to Grant to say a few words before giving him a quick hug. As she moved back to her husband, Skye moved towards Grant. He pulled her into a tight hug when she was in reach and she buried her head in his neck, her arms gripping him tightly.

"Be safe," she whispered.

He pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against hers. "For you?" he said softly. "I'd do anything. I love you Skye."

"I love you too Grant," she said. She pulled him down, not caring that her parents and friends were in the room, and kissed him fiercely. A minute later he pulled away.

"Goodbye." He kissed her forehead before moving away slowly and grabbed his bag. Her Dad placed a hand on Grant's shoulder as Skye felt arms wrap around her leg and another land on her shoulder. Tears fell as she watched Grant turn down the hallway, one final glance back at her.

"Everything will be okay," Skye said out loud. "It has to be." She turned to look at Bobbi, teary eyes pleading. "The war will end and he'll come back and Lance will come back and everything will be fine."

Bobbi moved forward and wrapped her arms around Skye. "We'll see them again," Bobbi said quietly, gently, as she rubbed Skye's back.

Skye didn't let herself wallow in missing her husband. After a night of tears, she woke up the next morning to a headache which she pretended didn't exist. She dressed slowly, buttoning up the white blouse before pulling on the blue skirt. She pulled on a soft matching sweater before taking her hair out of the curlers.

Skye looked in the mirror and narrowed her eyes at the betraying redness around them. She picked up the makeup tube and applied it around her eyes, nodding slightly when she couldn't see the red anymore. She picked up the dusky red lipstick and applied it, rubbing her lips together once before setting it down. She pulled on a pair of boots before taking one final look in the mirror before leaving the room for breakfast.

She didn't talk much at the table. She listened as Mack and Leo talked to her father about the car they were going to be fixing up, Leo adding in details Howard had given him the last time he was there. Jemma was listening to Izzy, smiling and nodding as the young girl rambled on about something. Her mother and Bobbi were talking about the best way to train the new recruits.

Once breakfast was finished and the plates were cleaned, Skye went to her office and took a pile of papers, bringing them to Jemma and Leo's lab to work in an area with other people. The two scientists talked in large words that went right over Skye's head, but she smiled at their antics. The familiarity of the pair's exchanges calmed her.

The days flowed into weeks and a new routine formed. Every afternoon she would spend time with Bobbi and Izzy, taking comfort in the knowledge Bobbi felt the same worry every day. Before bed she would sit with her parents and read silently like they'd done when she was a child. Sometimes she would help train new agents, sometimes she would train with her mother.

Skye tried to avoid too much free time. She'd learned in the first few days after he'd left that too much time for her brain to wander would lead to her crying or feeling numb inside, and that always made her feel helpless.

If there was one thing Skye Ward did not like to be called, it was helpless. She had made it her goal as a child to never be a damsel in distress and she was damn well not breaking that now.

Letters came infrequently from Grant. Most of her updates came from Peggy, and those weren't about Grant but on how things were going in general. Skye had laughed loudly when she'd figured out her cousin was smitten with one Steve Rogers.

Almost two months since Grant had left, Skye had woken up in the middle of the night to her throat burning and her stomach churning. She scrambled up from the bed, moving to the bathroom and leaning over the toilet before throwing up all the contents of her stomach. Skye knelt on the bathroom floor, one hand holding the toilet bowl and the other holding her hair back until she was breathing raggedly.

She didn't more for a few minutes, sitting on the cold tile floor. Slowly she stood and moved, brushing her teeth furiously to get the taste of bile out of her mouth before going back to bed.

The next morning at breakfast Skye didn't tell anyone about the spell of nausea, thinking it was small stomach bug. But when it kept creeping up on her through the day and she woke up in the dead of night for the rest of the week to stumble to the bathroom, she knew something wasn't right.

When she saw Jemma eating pieces of chocolate in the middle of the day a week and a half after the first night, her eyes widened and she stumbled, moving to grip the table. Skye's face went white and Jemma looked up from the book she'd been writing in the margins of, her eyes landing on her friend.

"Skye?" the British woman asked. "What's wrong?"

Skye shook her head, eyes locked on the chocolate chunks. Jemma's gaze followed Skye's before looking back at her friend. Her eye's widened when she saw Skye's hand move to rest gently on her abdomen.

"Oh dear," Jemma said. She let out a quick breath before moving towards Skye. "Skye, please sit down."

"Jemma," Skye said, her eyes snapping to her friend. She shook her head frantically. "What it—"

"Sit down Skye," Jemma said. Skye sat down, hearing her friend's professional voice. Jemma moved to the sink and poured a glass of water, setting it on the table in front of Skye. "I want you to drink that for me, slowly." Skye nodded and Jemma smiled slightly. "Then I want you to go to your room and rest." Skye opened her mouth to protest but Jemma continued. "I need a few things. I'll go and get Leo to get them for me, but until then, you need to stay calm."

Jemma gave Skye a stern look and Skye nodded before picking up the water with shaking hands. Jemma watched as Skye drank the whole cup before taking it and putting it on the sink.

"Bed, now," Jemma said. Skye got up and Jemma walked with her to her room. The slightly older woman had Skye get into a nightgown before watching her get into bed, getting her another cup of water. As Jemma turned turned to leave a light knock sounded on the door before it opened and the small, blonde face of Izzy peaked through.

"What's wrong Aunt Skye?" the girl asked, eyes wide at her aunt in bed so early in the afternoon.

"I'm just not feeling well," Skye lied.

Izzy frowned, opening the door and walking in. She climbed into the bed next to Skye, nuzzling her way into Skye's arms. "I'll keep you company," she said.

Skye smiled slightly at her. "You will?"

"Yes." The girl nodded. "Also, I'm hiding from Mommy," she whispered. "She's trying to bake again."

Skye gasped in fake horror. "Oh no," she said. Izzy grinned at her aunt before turning to Jemma.

"You won't tell her I'm here, will you Aunt Jemma?"

Jemma laughed. "Of course not Izzy," Jemma said. She kissed the young girl on the head before turning to Skye. "I'll be back in a while with the supplies Skye." Skye nodded and Jemma left. Once the door closed she turned to Izzy.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I hid in our attic to hide from my Mother's baking?"

Izzy grinned and shook her head.

It was the next day that Jemma came to her room and asked her to pee in a cup. Skye did, her heart pounding the whole time. Once done, Jemma left quickly, leaving Leo to stay with her. He rambled on, talking about the helpful information Howard had given him in his last letter to Phil. Jemma came back with a plate of sandwiches and sat on Skye's other side.

"What do we do now?" Skye asked.

"We wait," Jemma said before handing Skye a sandwich.

Waiting turned out to be ten hours where Skye wished Grant was there. She'd gotten a letter from him three days before, saying he that Lance had been moved to his unit a few days earlier. In the trenches.. The fact that their husbands were together was soothing for Bobbi and Skye, knowing the pair had each other on both sides, despite where they were. It had been short and hasty, but all she'd needed was the _I love you_ written at the end.

When the frog died, Skye sat clutching Leo's hand as Jemma cut into it. She didn't look, feeling her stomach churn in the familiar vomit telling way. She rested her head against Leo's shoulder, letting the Scottish man comfort her. When Skye heard the trash can open and close, and the sound of running water, she looked up at Jemma.

Jemma smiled. "Congratulations Skye," Jemma said.

Skye let out a harsh breath, her eyes wide. "I'm pregnant?" she whispered. Jemma nodded. "I'm pregnant."

Leo smiled at Skye and she looked at her stomach in shock.

Pregnant. A baby, there was something, _someone_ , growing in there. She rested a hand gently over it and a laugh burst from her. Grant would be ecstatic. Though they hadn't talked about children yet, she knew he loved spending time with Izzy, and his younger siblings…. He'd loved them. And he would love their child. She could see the look on his face when he found out, the brilliant grin that was one of the many reasons she loved him.

She wrote him a letter that night. She didn't want to tell him this way, but it was the only way, so it was what she had to. Once the letter was written she sealed it and got into bed, picking up the picture from the bedside table. She smiled sadly at the beaming grins on their faces. Her fingers ghosted over his face.

"I miss you Grant," she whispered. A tear slid down her face. "We're having a baby." She let out a laugh. "An actual baby."

After staring at the picture for a few more minutes she set it back down before shutting off the light and pulling the blankets over her body, one arm wrapped protectively around her stomach. She closed her eyes, smiling, her dreams filled with the sound of children's laughter and Grant's arms around her.

The next day she mailed the letter before making her way to her Dad's office. He was sitting behind his desk, going over files with her Mom.

"Mom? Dad?" she said, knocking on the doorframe.

"Skye," her Dad said, "come in."

She smiled and walked in. She sat down on the seat next to her Mom. "I have something to tell you two," Skye said. Her mother's eyebrow rose. A soft smile played on Skye's lips. "I'm pregnant."

Her parents smiled, her Dad stood up and pulled her into a hug. "My little baby's all grown up," he said into her hair.

Skye laughed and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest. "I'll always be your baby," she said. Her Mom wrapped an arm around Phil's waist and stroked Skye's hair.

"You're going to be a mother," she said, her eyes a little wider than usual. Skye nodded and Phil's arms tightened around Skye more. "I'm so happy for you Honey."

"I sent Grant a letter before I came here," Skye informed them.

Melinda nodded. "Who knows?"

"Leo and Jemma," Skye informed them. "I'm planning on telling Mack and Bobbi later today."

Three weeks had passed. Skye knew intellectually that she wouldn't get a response right away. With the time it took for letters to get to him, for him to have read them, to write a response, and have it sent back. But every day that a letter didn't show up, another knot formed in her stomach.

When the letter finally appeared in Bobbi's hand, she took it quickly, ripping it opened. The date at the top was from the day after she'd learned, so she knew it wouldn't contain his reaction. The brief sadness went away as her eyes took in his words, a sad smile playing on her lips as she read.

 _Skye,_

 _I wish I could hear your voice, hold you in my arms, kiss you. I miss holding you at night, having you close to me. Lance keeps teasing of me for staring at our wedding picture, but I know he stares at a picture of Bobbi and Izzy before he goes to sleep._

 _How is everyone doing? Have Leo and Jemma finally proclaimed their love for each other, or are they still living in denial of their attraction? Has the car been worked on yet, or is it still just an idea they say will happen? Is Melinda still scaring the new recruits that come in? Has Izzy grown? How's Bobbi doing?_

 _I wish I were with you. That I could hear your voice and see you first thing in the morning when your eyes are bleary._

 _Give everyone hugs from me._

 _I love you forever,_

 _Grant._

Skye wiped a tear away before folding the letter up and putting it back in the envelope. Skye turned and smiled slightly at Bobbi, pulling her into a hug like Grant had asked. Bobbi hugged Skye back, rubbing her back soothingly.

"I miss him," Skye said. "I know," Bobbi said. "I miss mine too."

Skye pulled back to look at Bobbi's face. "When do you think they'll be back?"

"Soon," Bobbi said authoritatively, nodding her head. "Soon."

As the day progressed a different knot started in Skye's stomach. She felt nauseous but every time she thought she was going to throw up, she didn't. The unknown dread seemed to build and when she went to sleep that night, she was haunted with screaming children and her family being pulled away from her by ghostly hands. She woke in a sweat and hurried to the bathroom, throwing up from the dream. The clock in her room said it was late enough for her to get up, and so once she washed herself she got dressed. She helped Leo make breakfast and was surprised to see Peggy walk in with her Dad.

"Peggy!" she said happily, moving to hug the woman, not noticing the dirty duffle bag that had been set down by Phil's feet. Peggy hugged her back and Skye grinned at her. "What are you doing here?"

"Skye," the British woman said, her voice somber. Skye looked at her quizzically before looking at her Dad. His face was equally sad. Her eyes traveled between them, landing on the bag, before she took a step back, shaking her head.

"No," she said.

Peggy pulled a letter from her pocket. "I am here to tell you that—"

"No!" Skye yelled. She felt tears spill over and run down her cheeks. "No." Her arm wrapped protectively around her abdomen. "Tell me you're lying. Please tell me you're lying."

"I'm so sorry Skye," Peggy said.

Phil moved towards his daughter. When his arms wrapped around her, she started sobbing into his chest. "No, daddy, he can't be gone."

Phil closed his eyes and pulled her closer to him, wanting to take away all of her pain. "I'm so sorry sweetie."

"What's happ—" Jemma started, walking into the room. She froze as she saw Skye in her father's arms, Leo's stricken face, and Peggy standing sadly. Her eyes turned back to Leo who nodded mutely at her. She covered her mouth. Jemma turned quickly, leaving the room and coming back a few minutes later with Melinda, Bobbi, and Mack.

When Skye's sobs calmed slightly, she turned her head to look at Peggy. "I have his things," she said quietly. "There was a letter that had just arrived, it's in there with the others."

Skye's mouth fell opened again, her eyes turning glassy and far away. "He never knew," she whispered brokenly. Melinda moved towards her husband and daughter. "He didn't know." Melinda wrapped an arm around Skye, trying to calm her, though she could see her growing frantic again, tears gathering in her eyes. "He'll never know."


End file.
